Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
