1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
