Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
