Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
