Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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