mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
