My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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