if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
