I am in a vortex of obligation.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
