You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
tell me about the fingering
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
