The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
