I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
