It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
