I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
