I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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