But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
