doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
