hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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