My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
