and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
