Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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