Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
