Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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