I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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