I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
