So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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