$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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