If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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