yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
