plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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