he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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