he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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