I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
