today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
