What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I still have a little drunk in my system
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Randomize
