How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
