I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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