I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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