I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
