12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Randomize
