Kiss
Puke
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
