Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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