Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
