if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
