The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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