she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
