This girl is more easily done than said...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
