just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
