Me too!
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
