Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
