remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
