I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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