woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
areolas are like halos for boobs.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
