As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
